The Catalog of Good Deeds

The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the Son of David, the Son of Abraham:

Abraham begot Isaac, Isaac begot Jacob, and Jacob begot Judah and his brothers. Judah begot Perez and Zerah by Tamar, Perez begot Hezron, and Hezron begot Ram.Ram begot Amminadab, Amminadab begot Nahshon, and Nahshon begot Salmon. Salmon begot Boaz by Rahab, Boaz begot Obed by Ruth, Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David the king.

David the king begot Solomon by her who had been the wifeof Uriah. Solomon begot Rehoboam, Rehoboam begot Abijah, and Abijah begot Asa.Asa begot Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat begot Joram, and Joram begot Uzziah. Uzziah begot Jotham, Jotham begot Ahaz, and Ahaz begot Hezekiah. Hezekiah begot Manasseh, Manasseh begot Amon,and Amon begot Josiah. Josiah begot Jeconiah and his brothers about the time they were carried away to Babylon.

And after they were brought to Babylon, Jeconiah begot Shealtiel, and Shealtiel begot Zerubbabel. Zerubbabel begot Abiud, Abiud begot Eliakim, and Eliakim begot Azor. Azor begot Zadok, Zadok begot Achim, and Achim begot Eliud. Eliud begot Eleazar, Eleazar begot Matthan, and Matthan begot Jacob. And Jacob begot Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus who is called Christ.

So all the generations from Abraham to David are fourteen generations, from David until the captivity in Babylon are fourteen generations, and from the captivity in Babylon until the Christ are fourteen generations.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.”

So all this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying: “Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which is translated, “God with us.”

Then Joseph, being aroused from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife, and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son.And he called His name Jesus.

(Matthew Chapter 1 Verses 1-25)

I remember very well when this long list of names of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, seemed almost unnecessary and difficult to understand and I would often skip it when reading the Gospel. Unfortunately, I did not read the Old Testament at all at that time; neither did I read the commentaries of Holy Fathers on the Holy Scripture. Even when reading the Gospel I would try to logically understand what I was reading instead of reading it with prayer a s the True Word of God.

Nowadays, I am grateful to God who has opened the riches of His Word. Now I want to specifically stop and reread these words in the Gospel, because these words that open up a new and previously unbeknownst perspective. A perspective through which our Lord Jesus Christ has revealed to us his plans for our salvation, while eternally taking part in human history. The Son of God created our world, then he acted in the Old Testament (talking to Abraham, for example), and at a certain point in history became incarnate, in order to save the world from the devil’s grasp, from sin and from death.

His coming was promised from the beginning of time as it was foretold to Abraham and David. Many have waited for Him and finally He enters human history completely and clearly. He does not arrive as some star child in a decent from the sky or as some fairy tale but instead He arrives at the specific moment in history, as a rightful part of the historic moment. It is the same history of which we are also part of. We do not arrive as some accident, but as part of God’s providence, in a way, which would best lead to our salvation.

Sometimes, my life seems to be very difficult, hard to understand, it does not inspire me, but this text from the Bible reminds me of God’s presence in human history and in my life personally. It helps me find God’s providence in the life that is given to me and in the time and space, which God has set aside for me. I am amazed at the loyalty and obedience of the Holy Theotokos to God, the same way I am amazed at how Joseph accepted God's will. God sends each one of us similar challenges. The challenges that we can solve and overcome with His help, the same way Virgin Mary, Joseph, King David and many, many others. We need to trust God, search for His will, we need to be more attentive to others and those who are close to us, keep in mind those signs of God’s presence in our life which require only a bit more attention to be noticed.

May the Lord help me to accept my life with thanksgiving and gratitude, to let God into my history, into my life the way it is. To help me battle my: like/dislike, want/ do not want, difficult/ easy. In addition, when I fail to master these flaws, I pray to God to help me to acknowledge my mistakes and repent, so that I will not be crossed out of the book of life the way Apostle Matthew skips three kings in verse 8 – kings Ahaziah, Jehoash and Amaziah. If these three kings were not omitted by accident, or as an error of the copywriters. If they were left out on purpose, then according to the Bible commentary by Aleksandr Pavlovich Lopukhin, they were left ourt because of the wickedness, sin and chaos that was happening at its peak during the reign of these three men.

Written by Nun Matrona

12.31.2016

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The Greatmartyr Anastasia the Deliverer from Potions, a Roman by birth, suffered for Christ at the time of Diocletian’s persecution of Christians. Her father was a pagan, but her mother was secretly a Christian. St. Anastasia’s teacher in her youth was an educated and pious Christian named Chrysogonus. After the death of her mother, her father gave St. Anastasia in marriage to a pagan named Publius, but, feigning illness, she preserved her virginity.

Clothing herself in the garb of a beggar, and accompanied by only one servant, she visited the prisons. She fed, doctored and often ransomed captives who were suffering for their faith in Christ. When her servant told Publius, he subjected his wife to a beating and locked her up. St. Anastasia then began to correspond secretly with Chrysogonus, who told the saint to be patient, to cleave to the Cross of Christ, and to accept the Lord’s will. He also foretold the impending death of Publius in the sea. After a certain while, Publius did indeed drown, as he was setting out with a delegation to Persia. After the death of her husband, St. Anastasia began to distribute her property to the poor and suffering.

Diocletian was informed that the Christians who filled the prisons of Rome stoically endured tortures. He gave orders to kill them all in a single night, and for Chrysogonus to be sent to him at Aquileia. St. Anastasia followed her teacher at a distance.

The Emperor interrogated Chrysogonus personally, but could not make him renounce his faith. Therefore, he commanded that he be beheaded and thrown into the sea. The body and severed head of the holy martyr were carried to shore by the waves. There by divine Providence, the relics were found by a presbyter named Zoilus who placed them in a coffin, and concealed them in his home.

St. Chrysogonus appeared to Zoilus and informed him that martyrdom was at hand for Agape, Chione and Irene, three sisters who lived nearby. He told him to send St. Anastasia to encourage them. St. Chrysogonus foretold that Zoilus would also die on the same day. Nine days later, the words of St. Chrysogonus were fulfilled. Zoilus fell asleep in the Lord, and St. Anastasia visited the three maidens before they were tortured. When these three martyrs gave up their souls to the Lord, she buried them.

Having carried out her teacher’s request, the saint went from city to city ministering to Christian prisoners. Proficient in the medical arts of the time, she zealously cared for captives far and wide, healing their wounds and relieving their suffering. Because of her labors, St. Anastasia received the name Deliverer from Potions (Pharmakolytria), since by her intercessions she healed many from the effects of potions, poisons, and other harmful substances.

In her journeys, she met a pious young widow, Theodota, finding in her a faithful helper. Theodota was taken for questioning when it was learned that she was a Christian. Meanwhile, St. Anastasia was arrested in Illyricum. This occurred just after all the Christian captives there had been murdered in a single night by order of Diocletian. St. Anastasia had come to one of the prisons, and finding no one there, began to weep loudly. The jailers realized that she was a Christian and took her to the prefect of the district, who tried to persuade her to deny Christ by threatening her with torture. After his unsuccessful attempts to persuade St. Anastasia to offer sacrifice to idols, he handed her over to the pagan priest Ulpian in Rome.

The cunning pagan offered St. Anastasia the choice between luxury and riches or grievous sufferings. He set before her gold, precious stones and fine clothing, and also fearsome instruments of torture. The crafty man was put to shame by the bride of Christ. St. Anastasia refused the riches and chose the tools of torture.

But the Lord prolonged the earthly life of the saint, and Ulpian gave her three days to reconsider. Charmed by Anastasia’s beauty, the pagan priest decided to defile her purity. However, when he tried to touch her, he suddenly was struck blind. His head began to ache so severely that he screamed like a madman. He asked to be taken to a pagan temple to appeal to the idols for help, but on the way he fell down and died.

St. Anastasia was set free, and she and Theodota again devoted themselves to the care of imprisoned Christians. Before long, St. Theodota and her three sons accepted martyrdom. Her eldest son, Evodus, stood bravely before the judge and endured beatings without protest. After lengthy tortures, they were all thrown into a red-hot oven.

St. Anastasia was caught again and condemned to death by starvation. She remained in prison without food for sixty days. St. Theodota appeared to the martyr every night and gave her courage. Seeing that hunger caused St. Anastasia no harm, the judge sentenced her to drowning along with other prisoners. Among them was Eutychianus, who was condemned for his Christian faith.

The prisoners were put into a boat which went out into the open sea. The soldiers bored holes in the boat and got into a galley. St. Theodota appeared to the captives and steered the ship to shore. When they reached dry land, 120 men believed in Christ and were baptized by Sts. Anastasia and Eutychianus. All were captured and received a martyr’s crown.

St. Anastasia was stretched between four pillars and burned alive. A certain pious woman named Apollinaria buried her body, which was unharmed by the fire, in the garden outside her house.

In the fifth century, the relics of St. Anastasia were transferred to Constantinople, where a church was built and dedicated to her. Later, her head and one hand were transferred to the Monastery of St. Anastasia near Mount Athos.

Source: http://www.antiochian.org/node/17101

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Orthodox churches generally take one of several shapes that have a particular mystical significance. The most common shape is an oblong or rectangular shape, imitating the form of a ship. As a ship, under the guidance of a master helmsman conveys men through the stormy seas to a calm harbor, so the Church, guided by Christ, carries men unharmed across the stormy seas of sin and strife to the peaceful haven of the Kingdom of Heaven. Churches are also frequently built in the form of a Cross to proclaim that we are saved through faith in the Crucified Christ, for Whom Christians are prepared to suffer all things. Less frequently churches are built in the shape of a circle, signifying that the Church of Christ shall exist for all eternity (the circle being one of the symbols of eternity) or in the shape of an octagon, signifying a star, for the Church, like a star, guides a man through the darkness of sin which encompasses him. Because of the difficulties of internal arrangement, however, the latter two shapes are not often used.

Almost always Orthodox churches are oriented East West, with the main entrance of the building at the West end. This symbolizes the entrance of the worshipper from the darkness of sin (the West) into the light of Truth (the East). This rule is violated only if the building had been previously constructed for another purpose, or if services are conducted in a private home, for example, when the entrance and main portion have been arranged according to convenience. On the roof of Orthodox churches are usually found one or more cupolas (towers with rounded or pointed roofs), called crests or summits. One cupola signifies Christ, the sole head of the Christian community; three cupolas symbolize the Most- Holy Trinity; five cupolas represent Christ and the four Evangelists; seven cupolas symbolize the Seven Ecumenical Councils which formulated the basic dogmas of the Orthodox Church, as well as the general use in the Church of the sacred number seven; nine cupolas represent the traditional nine ranks of Angels; and thirteen cupolas signify Christ and the Twelve Apostles.

A peculiar feature of Russian Orthodox churches is the presence of onion-shaped domes on top of the cupolas. In the early history of the Russian Church, especially in Kiev, the first capital, the domes of the churches followed the typical Byzantine rounded style, but later, especially after the Mongol Period, Russian churches tended toward the onion domes, which, in many places, became quite stylized. Historians are not in agreement as to the origin of this particular style, but some point to the possible influence of Persia on this peculiar feature of Russian church architecture, while others argue that since this style was more popular in the far North of Russia, it had a practical application, in that the shape was particularly suited to shed the large amounts of snow common in the region.

Every cupola, or where there is none, the roof, is crowned by a Cross, the instrument of our salvation. The Cross may take one of many different shapes, generally according to the national tradition of a particular local Church. In the Russian Church, the most common form is the so-called three-bar Cross, consisting of the usual crossbeam, a shorter crossbeam above that and another, slanted, crossbeam below. Symbolically, the three bars represent, from the top, the signboard on which was written, in Hebrew, Latin and Greek, Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews (John 19:19); the main crossbeam, to which the hands of Jesus were nailed; the lower portion, to which His precious feet were nailed.

The three-bar representation existed in Christian art from very early times in Byzantium, although usually without the bottom bar slanted, which is particularly Russian. The origin of this slanted footboard is not known, but in the symbolism of the Russian Church, the most common explanation is that it is the pointing upward to Paradise for the Good Thief on Jesus’ right and downward to Hell for the Thief on His left (Luke 23). Sometimes the bottoms of the Crosses found on Russian churches will be adorned with a crescent. In 1486, Tsar Ivan IV (the Terrible) conquered the city of Kazan which had been under the rule of Moslem Tatars, and in remembrance of this, he decreed that from henceforth the Islamic crescent be placed at the bottom of the Crosses to signify the victory of the Cross (Christianity) over the Crescent (Islam).

COLORS OF THE DOMES OF ORTHODOX CHURCHES

By Carolyn Robbinsr

The Orthodox Church has a long history of constructing magnificent places of worship, ornately decorated on the interior with richly symbolic and vibrant iconography and topped by towering domes reaching to the heavens. Each country and culture has developed its own flavor of Orthodox architecture, and there are no set specifications for the size, shape or color of the domes. The colors of the domes carry deep theological significance and are intended to point their viewers toward God.

HISTORY

The use of domes in sacred architecture dates far back in Orthodox history. Basilicas, or large church buildings, date as far back as the fifth century. The best- known domed church, the Hagia Sophia, was raised between 532 and 537 A.D. in Constantinople, the city now known as Instanbul. The dome of this Church of Divine Wisdom was designed to inspire meditation on heaven and the mysteries of the Almighty. Since then, Orthodox domes have taken on many different appearances, from the onion-shaped structure common in Russia to the pear-shaped dome favored in Ukraine.

COLORS

The colors of Orthodox domes are highly variable. For instance, the onion domes of the Cathedral of the Annunciation in Moscow are pure gold, while Saint Basil’s Cathedral in the same city is topped with domes painted in vibrant blue, green, red and yellow in many different patterns. Other architects favor domes painted black.

NUMBER

The number of domes on Orthodox churches carries theological significance. Some architects favor a three-dome arrangement to represent the persons of the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Others choose a five-dome configuration to represent Jesus and the four Gospel writers: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

SYMBOLISM

The symbolism of the colors of Orthodox domes is not strictly assigned, but can be extrapolated from the rules guiding Orthodox art. For instance, in Orthodox iconography, gold represents the light of God and his divine nature. Red is traditionally a reminder of the passion and suffering of Jesus and the martyrs, but also signifies the Resurrection and eternal life. Green is the color of the Holy Spirit, the natural world and new life. Blue is a color associated with the “God bearer,” or mother of Jesus, Mary. White is another symbol of the light of God, and is also used to denote righteousness, purity and holiness.

Source: http://holytrinityoca.org/the-meaning-of-the-domes-in-orthodox-church-architecture/

On New Year’s Eve we feel the mystery of time more powerfully than at any other time. We feel, in other words, that its flow – in which we live and in which everything constantly vanishes as the “past” and constantly places us face to face with the unknown future – essentially contains within itself the main question that everyone is called to answer with their lives.

“Vain gift, chance gift – life, why have you been given me?” asks the poet [Pushkin] in his immortal line. Indeed, it is enough for one moment to turn away from the cares that absorb us, enough mentally to stop the ceaseless waterfall of time, disappearing into the abyss, in order for the question “Why is life given and what is its meaning?” to rise from the depths of the subconscious, where we normally hide it from ourselves, and stand before us in all its implacability.

I was not, now I am, and I will not be; thousands of years passed before me, and thousands will come after… On the surface of this unimaginably infinite ocean I am but a fleeting bubble, into which a ray of life flashes for a split second, just to be extinguished and disappear then and there.

“Vain gift, chance gift – life, why have you been given me?” What, in comparison with this only honest, rueful question do all the loud theories mean that seek to answer this with tiresome theoretics of a “bright future”? “We will build our new world. He who was nothing will become everything” [from The Internationale]… The most naïve, gullible, and dull-witted person cannot but know that all this is a lie. For both the very one “who was nothing” and the one who “will become everything” will disappear from the face of the earth, from this hopeless mortal world.

Therefore, regardless of whatever we were taught by pathetic prophets of a pathetic happiness, only one real question stands eternally before man: does this ever-so-brief life have any meaning? What does it mean, when compared with the boundless abyss of time, that this flash of consciousness, this ability to think, rejoice, and suffer, this extraordinary life that, however seemingly futile and random, is still looked upon by us as a gift?

Now the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s. And as long as it strikes life for twelve short seconds stops and pauses, and everything as it were focuses on what is now to begin, posing and responding to the same torturous question: what is this – another step towards a meaningless end and disappearance, or the unexpected flashing of a ray of renewal and new beginnings? In response come words from an infinite loftiness and an infinite profundity: That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made by Him, and the world knew Him not. He came unto His own, and His own received Him not. But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name… And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth… And of His fulness have we received, and grace for grace (John 1:9-12, 14, 16).

These are the words of the Evangelist John the Theologian in the very beginning of his Gospel. They are thoroughly imbued with the joy, confidence, and love of a man who has seen the light of true life, about which it is said that it shines in darkness and was not overcome by the darkness (John 1:5). Listening attentively to them, the very same joy, the very same confidence, and the very same love begin to be kindled in our own souls. Time is powerless if this light shines above us. Life is not vain, life is not chance, but is a gift from on high, from God, about Whom the same John the Theologian said that in Him was life, and this life was the light of man (John 1:4). And every man that comes into this world is once again set alight, is once again gifted this life, and the love of God is addressed to each one of them, and to each one of them is addressed God’s commandment: “Live!” Live, in order to love! Live, so that your life will be filled with love, light, wisdom, and knowledge! Live, so that in your life darkness, meaninglessness, and eventually death itself will be overcome! For eternity already shines through this world and through this earthly life. This gift of life in the world and with the world is given us that eternal life with God and in God may become part of us.

Yes, suffering, doubt, trials, the bitterness of separation – all these have fully become part of our lot. How often we are weakened in this battle, and give up, and fall, and change! How often we are scared and lonely, how often we lose heart when we see how evil and hatred are triumphing in the world! But the One Who gave us this life and granted us freedom taught us to discern good and evil; He gave us the loftiest of all gifts: love. For He said, and continues to say: In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world (John 16:33). We, too, can overcome in this very world, and in it our lives can shine with that same light that once flashed forth and continues to shine – that light that the darkness has not overcome.

The clock strikes… Let this mysterious future come to us; for, whatever it might bring with it, we know and believe that God is with us, that Christ has not orphaned us, that He is faithful that promised (Hebrews 10:23). Here are the marvelous words of Vladimir Soloviev:

Death and time reign on earth,
Do not call them your masters;
Everything, whirling about, disappears in the haze
The only thing fixed is the sun of love.

Yes, this is our calling, our freedom as children of God: not to call “masters” those things whose dominions have been destroyed, and not to close ourselves from access to the Sun of love, faith, and hope.

The holiday will soon be over, and routine, labor, fatigue, and depression will begin. But let us not permit the daily routine to overpower ours souls! Just as sunlight penetrates through closed shutters, so too let the light of Christ, through this mysterious holiday, become present in our daily lives, rendering our entire lives an ascent, a communion with God – a difficult but joyful path to eternal life. For the Apostle John said: For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life(John 3:16).

Happy New Year!

Source: http://www.pravmir.com/the-new-year-the-mystery-of-time/

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There exists a short autobiographical sketch — the only one — composed by St. John of Kronstadt which appeared in 1888 in the magazine Sever (North). We will reproduce here it in full:

I am the son of a churchman from the village of Soursk, district of Pinezhsk, province of Archangelsk. From very early childhood, as early as I can remember, at the age of four or five, perhaps even earlier, my parents taught me to pray and by their religious frame of mind made me a religiously-minded boy. At home, in my sixth year, Father brought be a primer, and Mother began to teach me the alphabet; but reading and writing came to me with great difficulty, which was the cause of no little sorrow to me. I just couldn’t master the identity between our speech and writing; in my time reading and writing were not taught as it is now: we were all taught ‘Az’ (for ‘A’), ‘Boukee’ (for ‘B’), Vedi,’ etc., as if ‘A’ were one thing and ‘Az’ a different thing. For a long time did this wisdom elude me, but having been taught by Father and Mother to pray, grieving over my failures in studies, I prayed fervently to God, so that He would grant me understanding — and I remember how, suddenly, it was as if a veil were lifted from my mind, and I began to comprehend studies well. When I was ten I was taken to the Archangelsk parish school. My father, naturally, received a very small salary, so that it must have been terribly difficult to live. I already understood the real position of my parents, and for this reason my inability at school was indeed a calamity. I thought little of the significance my studies would have on my future, and grieved especially over how Father was needlessly spending his last means to support me.

Left in Archangelsk completely alone, I was deprived of my parents and had to arrive at everything myself. Among the boys of my age group in class, I did not find, nor did I seek, support or assistance; they were all more able than I, and I was the last pupil. Anguish took hold of me. Then it was that I turned for help to the Almighty, and a change took place in me. In a short time I moved forward to such an extent that I ceased to be the last pupil. The further I went, the better and better I became in my studies, and by the end of the courses was among the first transferred to the seminary, which I finished first in 1851 and was sent to the Petersburg Academy on a full scholarship. While still in the seminary, I lost my dearly beloved father, and my old mother remained without any means of support. Right after seminary I wanted to take up the position of deacon or psalmist so as to have the means of supporting her, but she passionately opposed this, and I set out for the Academy. In the Academy’s board of administration, the position of clerks was then filled by students for the most insignificant salary (about ten roubles a month), and I gladly agreed to accept the offer of the Academy’s secretary to take this position, so as to send this money to Mother. Having completed my course of studies as a candidate in theology in 1855, I went as a priest to Kronstadt, having married Elizabeth, the daughter of Archpriest K.N. Nesvitsky, who is alive even to this day; I do not have and have never had any children. From the very first day of my high service to the Church, I set myself the rule: to regard my task of pastorship and priesthood as conscientiously as possible, to pay strict attention to myself and to my inner life. With this aim I, first of all, began to read the Holy Writ of the Old and New Testaments, extracting from it all that was edifying to myself, as a man generally and as a priest in particular. Later I began to keep a diary, where I wrote down my battle with thoughts, with passions, my penitent feelings, my silent prayers to God and my grateful emotions for having been delivered from temptations, woes and tribulations. Every Sunday and Holy Day I would deliver sermons and discourses in church, either prepared by myself, or from the sermons of Metropolitan Gregory. Some of my discourses have been published: On the Blessed Trinity, On the Creation of the World, and On the Gospel’s Beatitudes. Apart from preaching I came to take care of the poor like myself and - about twenty years ago, in 1874 — conceived the idea of setting up in Kronstadt a 'Working House for the poor', and which the Lord helped to bring about fifteen years ago. — That’s all.

"That’s all!" All of St. John is in this concluding exclamation — similar to those with which he would, now and again, express the "simplicity" of his heart during reading in church, wholly engrossing himself into what became the subject of his attention. St. John does not see himself as separate and apart from his life’s vocation — he was wholly in it, and for this reason he was able to regard himself "simply" even from the outside and to speak about himself: he is an obedient tool, and it is the Lord’s business to employ this tool for this or that, himself being nothing more than a most ordinary servant.

Let us look at another document which will show how St. John sees himself — precisely in the image of a priest. This is his first sermon, delivered by him at his first Liturgy in St. Andrew’s Cathedral in Kronstadt on the Savior’s words: "Feed my lambs."

These words of the supreme Chief Pastor Christ are familiar to all of us, my brethren, because you have not infrequently heard them during the reading of the Gospel at all-night vigils on Saturday evenings; you also know to whom they were said: I will repeat them as they were said to the Apostle Peter, and were said thrice, as a sign of the threefold reinstatement of the Apostle, who had thrice renounced his Lord. The Lord mystically addresses these same words to us also, unworthy pastors of His spiritual flock, when He calls us, through the medium of a bishop, to the pastoral service. The Lord’s words reached also the ears of my own heart: 'Feed my lambs,’ commanding me to feed you, His spiritual lambs.

I am aware of the exaltedness of the office and the responsibilities attached to it; I can feel my frailty and unworthiness in carrying out the highest calling on earth, that of a priest; but I am relying on the grace and mercy of God, healing the weak and replenishing the failing. I know what is capable of making me more or less worthy of this office and able to carry out this calling: it is love toward Christ and you, my beloved brethren. This is why the Lord also, in reinstating the disciple who had renounced Him in the rank of Apostle, thrice asked him: ‘Lovest thou Me?’ and after each one of his answers: ‘I love Thee,’ repeated to him: ‘Feed My lambs, feed My sheep.’

Love is a great force: it makes even the weak strong, and the small great, and the insignificant worthy of deep respect, and the hitherto unknown and strange, it soon makes close and amiable. Such is the nature of pure, evangelical love. May the Lord Who is full of love toward all grant also to me a spark of that love; may he inflame it in me with His Holy Spirit.

Exalted, I said, is the calling of a priest. For whose office is it? It is Christ’s office. He is the only High Priest, the first and the last, offering a sacrifice and being brought in sacrifice for all; He is Alpha and Omega, the first and the last; we are arrayed with the grace of His priesthood, He Himself officiates in us and through us. Consequently, we ourselves must also deeply honor our office, and you, brethren, must for your own worthiness and salvation deeply honor this office and submit to the bearers of it, being indulgent towards their frailties and deficiencies. For although we are exalted by our office, our nature is the same as yours, weak and subject to stumbling. And what mortal human can fully measure up to the height and holiness of the office of priesthood? If we are to take into consideration only one thing, that a priest, standing before the very throne of God in an earthly church, must so often perform the life-endowing awesome Mysteries of Christ, must intercede for the instruction and guidance of the Church, on behalf of the whole world, for the welfare of God’s churches in the whole universe and the unification of all dissenters; to bring an offering of gratitude for all the saints: forefathers, patriarchs, prophets, apostles, evangelists, martyrs, the ascetics and for all blessed souls; to pray for the living and the dead — then what an angelic worthiness is required for that? Is this a task for our frailty, when we, on account of our sins, would not dare open our mouths even for ourselves, so as to implore heavenly justice and mercy for our own sins? No, this is the work of the highest grace, this is the work of the countless good things which Christ has done for us. He is the Interceder and the One Who accepts intercessions. While if we are to take into consideration also the performance of the rest of the mysteries, particularly baptism, confession, marriage, extreme unction: what holiness is required, what a wealth of Christ’s love, from the priest performing these sacraments. For in all prayers and officiations, belonging to the content of the sacraments, there breathes the spirit of God’s infinite love toward the human race, (the spirit) of mercy, extreme condescension, sanctity and incorruptibility.

Yet again, there is the preaching of God’s Word, the proclaiming of the eternal truths of the Gospel in a language readily understandable by all, imbued with the spirit of evangelical love, so as to teach, enlighten, correct, confirm, guide along the path leading to eternity: what a lofty and difficult duty this is! Without a doubt, the grace of God will help us in everything, if we will be worthy of it, and if you will try to walk in, or to live worthily of, your lofty Christian calling. And so, here, brothers and sisters, is my first word to you in church, with which I make your acquaintance. Accept it with an open, straightforward and kind heart, accept me into your love, and remember me before the Lord in your prayers, which you daily raise up to Him. I will conclude it with an apostolic blessing: 'The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.’

After twenty-five years, St. John was greeted in the same church, when a precious cross was given to him. He replied to his flock thus:

Thank you for having regarded my frailties with benevolence. Yes, I am replete with frailties; I know my frailties, but the power of God is perfected in weakness, and it was wonderfully perfected in me during my twenty-five years service in the priesthood, and, I dare say — for I’ll be telling the truth — through me it was perfected in many simple believers in an evident, palpable manner. Glory be to grace! Glory be to the Lord Jesus Christ, Who has granted us grace upon grace! I am telling you about this power of God in me so that you will, together with me, praise our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, Whose grace and mercy has not grown weaker even now, as it will not grow weaker until the end of time, which was performed within me every day and many times a day by Christ’s grace. I cannot estimate the countless multitude of snares of the prince of the world and attacks of passions, destroyed by the grace and power of Christ within me, by my silent prayer of faith, on account of heartfelt confession and especially through the power of Divine Communion! What angelic, all-embracing mind will count all of God’s mysterious gifts to my soul — the blessed gifts of mercy, cleanliness, blessedness, enlightenment, peace, tender emotion, freedom and spiritual breadth, joy in the Holy Spirit, the audacity and strength and multifarious aid, which I invisibly received throughout all the days of my service. I cannot count the innumerable blessed healings — spiritual and physical, performed by the Lord within me through the heartfelt calling of His wonderful name. Glory be to God our Savior! He sees that I am not falsely sending up to Him this glory. Only by Him and of His Name am I glorious, while without Him — dishonorable; only by Him powerful, while without Him — infirm; with Him holy, without Him — replete with sins; with Him I dare, without Him I am cowardly; with Him I am meek and humble, without Him I am irritable and not blessed. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His Name together.

Considerably later, on his seventieth birthday on 19 October 1899, St. John, casting his mind back and again recalling the words of the Apostle that the power of God is perfected in weakness, said:

Who of those who knew me in childhood could have thought that I would live to be over seventy, which (age), according to the Prophet, represents the extreme limit of the life of man, this earthly wanderer? I grew up sickly, weak, and in my very infancy a severe illness, smallpox, almost brought me to the grave — I was a hair’s breadth away from death, to use the apt expression. The Lord preserved my life — I recovered and began to grow. When the time was ripe for me to begin my schooling — I was brought to school, studies were unintelligible to me — I had not been prepared for them at home; I had to arrive at understanding and learning by myself; I was aware of and felt my helplessness, jealousy regarding the successes of my classmates — and began to ask for help and understanding from God, Who gives to all men liberally and upbraideth not (James 1:5), in the words of St. James the Apostle — and the Lord opened my mind: I was enlightened by Divine Light, reading and writing became clear to me, and I began to advance in my studies in proportion to my age and the educational aim. But even then, during studies, how many illnesses I had to experience!

In poor physical health, I completed three educational and instructional schools: lower, middle and high, gradually forming and developing three spiritual forces: the mind, heart and will, as the image of a tripartite soul, created in the image of the Holy, Life-creating Trinity. The highest Church school, which is known as the Theological Academy, had a salutary influence upon me. Theological, philosophical, historical and various other studies, widely and deeply taught, clarified and widened my contemplation of the world, and I, by the grace of God, began to delve into the depths of theological contemplation, coming to know more and more the depth of God’s grace, which has created all things wisely, beautifully, beneficently, having subjected all creatures to firm, vital harmonic laws; my mind and heart were especially captivated by the wise and wonderful plan for the salvation of the perishing human race through the Divine Lamb of Jesus Christ, which taketh away the sin of the world (St. John 1:29); the religious feeling, which was instilled within me by my devout parents, developed and grew stronger. Having read the Bible with the Gospel and many works of Chrysostom and other ancient Fathers, as well as the Russian Chrysostom, Philaret of Moscow, and other Church orators, I felt a special attraction to the calling of a priest and began to implore the Lord that He would grant me the grace of priesthood and pastorship of His human flock. Contemplating the wonderful plan of God for the salvation of the human race, so full of love, I wept ample and hot tears, burning with the desire to assist in the salvation of perishing humanity. And the Lord fulfilled my desire. Soon after completing my formal education I was elevated to the height of the priestho

And thus I have passed forty years in this calling, offering up to God supplications, prayers, intercessions and giving of thanks for all men, for kings, and for all that are in authority (II Timothy 2:1-2) and offering, almost daily, the bloodless Sacrifice, reconciling creatures with their Creator, for the Lord has given priests the ministry of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:18), through which I also reconcile myself daily with the Just Judge Who is daily angered by me, and reconcile people, averting His just anger, which moves against us as a result of our sins, turning men away from crooked, pernicious ways and indicating the true paths. I thank the Lord for having given me the opportunity and faculty, through frequent Divine Services, to learn the whole round of Church service-books, to master their wise contents and richness of subject, their images of the greatest, saving confession of sinners and God’s mercy toward penitents, the whole depth of theology, the full sweetness of the hymns of praise to God and wonderful praises to the Mother of God, love toward God and various feasts of countless saints.

I thank the Lord for having favored me with being born and raised in, and being a priest of, the Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, to be Her member, though an unworthy one, and to have been favored with intercession for Her before God, for I do not depend upon my own works, which I do not have, but upon all that the Lord Jesus Christ has done for us, redeeming me from sin, the curse and death with His Blood, upon the prayers of the Mother of God, the Holy Angels and all the Saints. They will entreat the Lord for me, and He will lead me into His heavenly kingdom.

Source: http://www.johnsanidopoulos.com/2009/10/autobiographical-writings-of-st-john-of.html

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